Every scanner that i know outputs a picaso painting jpg, along with a cad model -there is no order in the texture. Do any of you guys know of a scanner that outputs a straight forward 2d uv map of the scanned model ? Or do you know a fast way to make it so?

Not sure what you’re currently using, or more importantly your what your budget is, but I use David 3d (now owned by HP). The software can export .obj with a .png UV map and .mtl file.
It can be purchased with equipment (camera(s),projector/laser, jigs/turntable, etc) in various packages ($2-6K last i checked) or just the software alone if you want to put your own kit together. I have found that most systems below this price point are limited in quality/capabilities (toys). Prices climb sharply above this price point and all components are usually integrated and proprietary so they require a lot less effort/skill from the operator.